How Mediation Helps Families Resolve Elder Care Disputes

Takeaways

• Mediation is a voluntary, collaborative, and nonbinding conflict resolution method suitable for resolving family disputes related to issues such as elder care.
• It can help to preserve family relationships while being more efficient and cost-effective than litigation.
• While there are drawbacks, it's a solution that may be appropriate when families have underlying goodwill but need assistance navigating disagreements.

Caring for aging parents can affect extended families and spark conflicts when disagreements arise. Differing values among family members can lead to disagreements about who performs caregiving duties and what decisions they make. When siblings clash over care responsibilities, finances, and tough decisions, mediation presents an effective and collaborative conflict resolution option.

For example, imagine a woman leaves her full-time job to take care of an ailing parent with dementia. She wants financial compensation from her parent’s estate. Meanwhile, her brother objects to the potential loss of inheritance, not seeing the value of the caregiver’s time and efforts.

Litigation could resolve the issue. However, it would be costly and stressful for everyone involved. The siblings might want to maintain a relationship, yet this can be difficult following adversarial litigation.

When these kinds of familial conflicts come up, mediation presents an alternative to litigation. Mediation can help find solutions that work for everyone, restoring family relationships. While litigation is more likely to degrade trust, engaging a mediator is a gentler conflict resolution option that can help solve disagreements while preserving family ties.

What Is Mediation?

Mediation is a conflict resolution strategy that differs from litigation in several key ways. First, mediation is voluntary. Generally, everyone agrees to be there unless a judge has ordered mediation be attempted during litigation.

Second, the resolution process is meant to be collaborative. The mediator typically encourages the parties to listen and work together to create a solution. The mediator’s role is to listen to the issues, keep the family focused on the goals, and encourage them to consider of all the options.

The mediator can help clear up misunderstandings. For instance, they may meet with the parties separately and then bring everyone together for a joint session to help them communicate.

Through this process, the family members can take an active role in coming up with answers to problems. The idea is not to have a winner or loser, but to find a compromise or mutually beneficial solution.

Third, the resolution is nonbinding. At the end of the process, a settlement agreement may be drawn up to memorialize the parties' understanding. Because it is not a legal proceeding, the agreement is not binding. The idea is to create an agreement that everyone will be happy to follow.

Advantages

Beyond preserving family relationships and fostering collaboration, there are several benefits of mediation.

As a conflict resolution strategy, it is highly effective. The Cincinnati Bar Association reports that it tends to have a high success rate: between 70 percent and 80 percent.

Compared to litigation, mediation is more efficient and cost-effective, taking less time and reducing legal fees. Local courts and nonprofits — such as the Center for Conflict Resolution in Chicago — can provide free or low-cost mediation services. While litigation can span months to years, a single productive session may resolve an issue.

Drawbacks

Mediation can have drawbacks and may not be right for every situation.

It requires time and money — though often less than litigation. There’s also no guarantee of a successful solution. Even when a solution is reached, someone may change their mind and not follow it. As the mediation process is voluntary, it can be undercut by the unwillingness of one or more family members to participate.

However, skilled mediators can help families reconcile, even when communication has broken down.

When Is Mediation Appropriate?

Mediation works when there is conflict but underlying good will. Everyone must be willing to participate in the process and at least speak to the mediator if they are unwilling to communicate directly.

This process can be the best route to keeping families together in situations such as the following:

• A parent is beginning to need help and the family struggles to decide on the best living arrangement: stay at home with help, move in with one of the children, move to an assisted living facility, or move to an apartment.
• A parent moves in with their child, who needs to build an addition onto their house to accommodate them. Siblings disagree over who should pay for the addition.
• After the parents pass away without a will, children fight over sentimental personal belongings.

Litigation is more appropriate for certain situations, such as when there are serious and legitimate concerns of elder abuse or neglect. Also, litigation may be the only option when someone is unwilling to participate in mediation.

Finding Support

Caring for parents can create stress and conflicts within families. Sometimes disagreements and misunderstandings over elder care or inheritance issues can destroy family bonds, affecting descendants for generations. To avoid this, elder mediation is available to resolve family disputes that otherwise may go unaddressed or lead to costly and traumatic litigation.

You can find a mediator online at American Arbitration Association (AAA) or Mediate.com. Local courts and nonprofit organizations can also offer mediation services. In addition, consider connecting with an experienced elder law attorney. They can offer legal advice on various aspects of elder care and help you and your loved ones navigate this process.