Family Caregivers in the U.S. Divided by Gender, Birth Order

Takeaways

• Family caregiving duties often fall unfairly on daughters or the geographically closest adult child, regardless of the desire for equal sharing.
• As family caregiving grows more complex, siblings need to collaborate, communicate clearly, and ensure financial recognition for the work; broader societal support is also essential for fair, sustainable elder care.

More Americans are requiring help with daily activities as they age into their senior years. Some seniors are cared for by their partner, some by their adult children, and others by professional caregivers. Some have a combination of helpers.

Usually, adult children play a role in their aging parents’ long-term care. Their role may range from providing financial and moral support from afar to high-intensity daily care. In some families, siblings spread support more or less equally, while in other families the support is less balanced.

A recent survey of 1,000 Americans found that factors including gender, geography, and birth order influence how siblings share caregiving responsibilities.

Study Highlights

The study found that despite families’ efforts to distribute caregiving responsibilities equally, opinions and reality paint a different picture. Factors such as gender, birth order, and geographic location often dictate which child or children carry the most caregiving responsibility.

Gender: The Daughter Default

Perhaps most striking is the persistence of traditional gender expectations. According to the study, 62 percent of Americans agree there is an unspoken expectation that daughters rather than sons will become their aging parents’ primary caregivers. This suggests that despite increasing awareness about equality, many families still unconsciously assign caregiving duties along gender lines.

Birth Order: The Oldest as First in Line

Asked whether birth order should influence caregiving responsibility, 38 percent of men agreed, compared with 21 percent of women. This disparity hints at differing views within families about what constitutes fairness. Some may view eldest children as having a greater duty; others reject that notion altogether.

Geography: Proximity Plays a Role

Thirty-six percent of respondents reported that the sibling living closest to the aging parents normally becomes the primary caregiver. Families often default to whoever is physically closer since it is easier for them to help with medical appointments, errands, and simple check-ins.

Desire for Fairness: Families Seek Shared Care

Though one sibling may end up in the role of primary caregiver, the study found that there is a strong desire for a more equal distribution of caregiving responsibilities. Thirty-seven percent of the study’s respondents said that caregiving would ideally be divided equally among siblings. This shows that many recognize the time, financial, and emotional costs of caregiving and believe siblings should share those costs even though real-life constraints often limit that aspiration.

Family Dynamics Can Evolve Through Caregiving

The study found that the way families handle caregiving and how they communicate about it is changing. The model of one sibling being solely responsible for caregiving is transitioning to a more collaborative approach. More than half (57 percent) of Gen Z respondents said that a caregiving situation had influenced their relationship with a sibling.

The Emotional Weight of Caregiving

Caring for aging parents affects all the children, even when caregiving responsibilities are drastically different. Though caregiving can create stronger bonds within a family, it can also create stress and emotional fatigue. Much of the stress comes from trying to balance multiple responsibilities, including work, personal needs, and the needs of each aging parent.

Forty-two percent of those surveyed described caregiving as stressful but manageable with clear communication. Open communication and shared responsibilities help family members adapt and more effectively support one another. Exploring options that provide temporary relief for the primary caregiver, such as respite care, are crucial for sustaining the caregiver’s long-term well-being.

Money Instead of Time

When all siblings in any given family cannot contribute an equal amount of time to caregiving, some seek financial support to equalize contributions. Thirty-two percent of respondents earning $150,000 or more think that a sibling should contribute money if they can’t contribute time. This may indicate a growing awareness that time, labor, and emotional energy have value.

Some families are also turning to federal and state programs that provide financial assistance to family caregivers. Family members who are qualified caregivers may be able to receive payment for their caregiving services through Medicaid or veterans programs.

Why These Findings Matter

The study reveals broad national trends and challenges associated with family caregiving, which is becoming more common and complex. Today, roughly 63 million Americans are providing ongoing care for a family member with serious health conditions or disabilities. Of those, about 59 million are caring for adults. Many caregivers are also part of the “sandwich generation,” caring for aging parents while supporting their own children.

In addition to the effects on family life, caregiving can affect a caregiver’s work life. About two-thirds of working-age caregivers are employed. Half of them have said that caregiving duties cause them to get to work late, leave work early, or take time off from work to provide care.

This shows that the burden of care has expanded far beyond a few isolated families to become a widespread societal phenomenon.

Caregiving in Transition

The study shines a light on some uncomfortable but important truths about caregiving in America. In many families, the burden lands disproportionately on women, geography often governs who helps, and expectations about fairness are often more idealistic than realistic. At the same time, the rising pressure on families caring for aging parents makes clear that old norms are no longer sufficient.

As more Americans become caregivers, often while juggling other responsibilities, the emotional, financial, and social realities of elder care are growing more evident. Honest conversations among siblings, shared responsibility, and broader societal support can help ensure that caregiving evolves from an unspoken duty into a deliberate, fair, and sustainable act of responsibility and love.